'Thing' The Stuff

5 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

2007-02-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

1. Too difficult to "mark" every Web site they visit.
2. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail!"
3. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
4. Too hard to read the screen with head cocked to one side.
5. And finally... Just because dogs aren't GEEKS!

10 Excuses When Caught Sleeping at Work

2007-02-19T07:08:00.000-08:00

1. It worked for Reagan, didn't it?
2. Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm
3. I was just testing the keybord!
4. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people
5. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they faved about in that time management course you sent me to
6. Hey! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem
7. They told me at the blood bank this might happen
8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
9. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) I learnt at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend
10. I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day

10 Things NOT to Say to a Cop Who Pulls You Over

2007-02-19T07:04:00.000-08:00

1. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in
2. I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer
3. You must have been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
4. Aren't you the guy from the village people?
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
8. Excuse me, is stick 'em up hyphenated?
9. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
10. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell out of my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control...

10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

2007-02-19T07:02:00.000-08:00

1. Your boss is always yelling, 'I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!'
2. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan..
7. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
8. You want to see if it's like the dream.
9. Gives 'bad hair day' a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.

10 Reasons Geeks Can't Sleep

2007-02-19T05:17:00.000-08:00

1. Had to keep checking the torrent to make sure it was still downloading.
2. MMORPG withdrawal causing uncontrolable shaking.
3. Watched special edition of Star Wars and still pissed off over Greedo shooting first.
4. Years of living underground have made your eyelids translucent.
5. Removed your bed to make room for the server rack.
6. Or just had to sell bed to buy new graphics card.
7. Too scared to sleep after watching "Hackers" and knowing they can make more movies like it.
8. Borg costume needed redesigning because it just wasn't realistic enough.
9. Converting MP3 collection to OGG taking longer than you thought.
10. Not because of caffeine. Just can't stop thinking about coffee.

19th Century Euphemisms for Masturbation

2007-02-19T05:12:00.000-08:00

1. Addressing Lord Palmer
2. Square Dancing with Satan
3. Churning the Codpiece Butter
4. Delivering the Ejaculation Proclamation
5. Driving the Golden Spike
6. Monitoring your Merrimac
7. Quashing the Southern Uprising
8. Cleaning the Musket
9. Assaulting the Tower of London
10. Oiling the Pennywhistle
11. Trying for a Scarlet "M"
12. Waving to Queen Victoria
13. Dragging Thyself to Hell, One Hand's Breadth at a Time
14. Signing your John Hancock
15. Pocket Punch 'n' Judy
16. Emptyin' the Saloon

10 things you didn't know about sleep

2007-02-19T02:17:00.000-08:00

1. In 2004 Americans filled more than 35 million prescriptions for sleeping pills. The number of adults aged 20 to 44 taking pills to help them fall asleep has doubled in the last four years.
2. More than 100,000 car crashes in the United States each year result from drowsiness. Drivers talking on cell phones increase the rate by 6 percent, so don't call someone if you get tired.
3. In 2008 Volvo plans to unveil a system that will monitor a driver's eyes and head, along with the movement of the steering wheel. If a driver seems to be nodding off, interior lights will start to flash.
4. A six-year study of a million adults showed that people who get only six to seven hours of sleep a night have a lower death rate than those who get eight hours. Maybe it's those late nights watching QVC.
5. In 1964 17-year-old Randy Gardner stayed awake for 264 hours and 12 minutes, the world's record. He then slept for 15 hours—not a record, but not bad.
6. The idea that it is dangerous to wake a sleepwalker is a myth. Given the things sleepwalkers get up to do, like climbing roofs and fixing insanely large sandwiches, it is probably more risky not to wake them.
7. Whales and dolphins can fall half asleep. Their brain hemispheres alternate sleeping, so the animals can continue to surface and breathe.
8. Dreaming is connected to bursts of electrical activity that blow through the brain stem every 90 minutes during REM sleep. Over a lifetime, an average person spends more than six years dreaming, clocking more than 136,000 in all.
9. But nobody knows why we dream.
10. The fear of sleep is called somniphobia.

6 Things We All Like About Hockey

2007-02-18T06:18:00.000-08:00

1. Goals. The greatest part of scoring in hockey is that no two goals look alike. All goals are original.
2. Fighting. Hockey fights that are fair and just. They happen for a reason and serve a purpose.
3. The Players. Yeah, baby, hockey players are real people.
4. Changing on the fly. It's teamwork in constant motion. Also all those arms and legs tumbling over the boards just look cool.
5. Penalty shots. A shot on goal, free of charge.
6. And of course, the Three S's: Size, Speed and Skill

10 Things for You to Know Before You Start a Blog

2007-02-18T05:35:00.000-08:00

1. Your blog's content should be interesting for someone else besides you.
2. Never write in short sentences - the complete ones look much better.
3. Do some spell check, then a little grammar check and after all spell check twice more.
4. Do not assume someone is reading your mind. Do not assume you can read minds as well.
5. Good navigation is a key to success!
6. Do not assume at all.
7. Thank the people who contribute and help you blog. Be gracious.
8. Some people's opinion differs from yours. Learn to live with it.
9. Blog for larger audience than just for your friends and relatives.
10. Do not overload with ads. Better no ads at all and good navigation.

10 things a girl should do before she is 25

2007-02-18T03:55:00.000-08:00

1. To live at least a month in another town.
2. To be the first to say the words of love to her boyfriend.
3. To be in a very expensive restaurant.
4. To have at least one blind date.
5. To leave home with a scandal. Even for one day.
6. To make it up with the parents and come to them on Saturdays for dinners.
7. To live alone.
8. To live with a boyfriend.
9. To try to realize any of those funny advices from glam magazines like 'How to get to orgasm in a minute'.
10. To be at some silly job as promo-girl, phone operator, etc...

10 things to do in traffic jam

2007-02-17T13:58:00.000-08:00

1. You can learn the number of the car in front of you by heart.
2. You can become the champion of your mobile playing Snake-2, Balloon Shooter or any other game.
3. You can explore the construction of a ballpoint pen. You can even take it into pieces and then assemble back.
4. Now set a new time record of disassembling and assembling your ballpoint pen.
5. You can to embroider. Even in silk if you use a steering wheel as a tambour.
6. You can collect all those hair from front and back seats and check if there is no lipstick under rugs.
7. You can do 'Zh-h-h-h-h-h!' and steer a wheel. This will entertain yourself and your neighbours from the nearest cars.
8. Thaffic jam is that very place where you can examine the contents of your own nose! Slow and detailed cleaning and examination of your nose will bring sense to your life and make your fingers dexterous and strong.
9. You can sell your car and buy a new one closer to the traffic lights.
10. Anyway do not drink. Even if it seems there is still long time to stay.

10 things that computer games taught me

2007-02-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

1. There is no such a problem that violence couldn't solve.
2. Kill everything that moves.
3. You don't need any special training to drive any vehicle
4. If you see food on the ground - eat it.
5. If someone dies - he disappears immediatelly.
6. Sometimes money just lay on the ground.
7. It is much easier to use weapon than it seems
8. Your enemy usually leaves some weapon in every part of his base for you to kill him.
9. All the enemies look almost the same.
10. They even have same names sometimes.